I've changed my hairstyle fairly drastically, gotten facial piercings, and am learning self-worth and -love. That'll be a long road. Especially since yesterday I dressed up in fatshion for the very first time--wearing something I never would have before, and it didn't go as well as I'd hoped. (Fatshion, to my understanding, is when fat people wear whatever the fuck they want, despite popular local culture/society/whatever you want to call it saying, however strongly or subtly, that "you shouldn't be wearing that", whether out of fatphobia, their own E.D. (Eating Disorder), or misguided/ignorant "politeness".) Anyway, I was feeling pretty fabulous. I even went to the food court in the mall when I had to waste some time in between appointments. I ate some food, even. Not much, but still. And I kept feeling fabulous... until I saw my Mom for the first time that day. When I got in the car (we were going grocery shopping), the first thing she said was, hesitantly, "Interesting", but with a slight question mark at the end. I was devastated. And just like that! I went from Fabulous to Fat POS with one word. Sigh. She did apologize, saying "it's not ok" when I said "it's ok", so there's that.
And just like that I'm apologizing for her. I just... we have a complicated relationship, to say the least. She's my best friend, but still my mother. It obviously should change, and soon, but I have a feeling this might take longer than I'd like. Like everything else.
